I'm too fucked pissed with her. I seriously do. I had very tiring days not being at home since Monday, and all I wanted to do is finish my homework and claims before tomorrow, but all she does is whining, nagging and complaining over fucking petty things that I am lagging her precious 5 minutes time because I would bother her watching movie, surfing the Internet and sleeping. She said it on her own mouth. Come onla, I can do the things myself, and I don't even need her help either. She even detested grandmother to attend my convocation. To be honest, grandmother has more rights than her to attend my convo. She even demotivates me on my job that I am currently working. She always claim that she will forsee that she will die soon because of her freaking "third eye", that I need to appreciate her as much as I can. When I complained about to her husband about her madness at home, all the husband did was just a simple "Uhuh" and "Oh I see" and that was it. She would even divide her territories between her food and mine, that I would finish up her food and she couldn't eat them when she is hungry as if we are not even related at all, just merely housemates. I remembered the day she faked her suicide when there was a problem between her and the her husband in my house. And that day was the day I gotten my SPM results, a supposedly joyous day. She blamed on her failed marriage on grandmother and her giving birth to me, only that she wouldn't say so now, because I am grown up and able to earn for myself, so now it's more onto blaming on my grandmother. I pity my grandmother because she doesn't know that she is heavily blamed for nothing.
I have bear so much all these years, studying so hard for a degree that I am not even keen on, and taking extra academic studies and extra-curricular activities, just to prove that I am still able to make it on my own without them. Only my grandmother was behind me throughout, not them at all. I had tried to talk to her about my disinterest in Food Science & Nutrition but she demotivated me again. So much for being a parent. Although my grandmother forced me into a degree program that I am disinterested on, but she has been supporting me so much. Hence my grandmother is the one who deserves to be at my convo rather than her.
She complained that I am too fat, that I won't get married, that I will die early, fine I'll just hit the gym. Now she complains that I would become gay due to my physical figure and would fear that I'll be impotent because of my nutrition.
I can't stand faking my happiness and joy at home and at the office, it's almost to an extend of being too childish. I seriously hate myself sometimes for being so fake, of not being my own character. But, if I don't things would have gotten even worse. I would rather stay outside the house as late as possible, not going back home and facing her. She would force me with her fake tears that she will move out if I don't listen to her.
I can't believe someone who supposedly to be my closest of kin would have been such an ass. I can't stand living with her. No wonder her circle of friends are all divas and have attitudes. Things were at best when she was not in Malaysia and not living with me. I'm shocked that I would be so angry with a person.
